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On the Hill

June 29, 2015

Wes made my job easy today.  Thanks. Again. Wes!

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‘Nuff said.

~~

And unrelated, but it does need to be said: dear friends let us know last night that they are splitting up. As I contemplated the impacts on so many people–not the least of which are the mom, dad and kid–I realized life is:

1. so temporal;

2. ridiculously unpredictable;

3. not always what it seems.

Among other things.

I thought about how this spells the end of a relationship (theirs) and the comfort and routine of a social relationship (ours) that I assumed would just sort of go on forever. As their kiddo takes off for college and beyond, I also realized home for him is now an open question. And I wondered what home is.

I know. Where the heart is. But c’mon… this is new.

So many thoughts came up.

I realized that Peter will also, soon, leave for school and beyond, and while I’ve known this and thought about it plenty, it will also be a time when our boundaries will be redrawn. Our life is nearly wholly built around our family life–Peter’s life mostly–and is defined by a social construct that is largely based on his activities and friends. Our lives, up until this point, have been comfortably nestled in certain routines that won’t even exist once he’s gone and baseball is over. In about a year. I know all this, but have conveniently not thought too much about it–busy as we’ve been with the task of keeping up, keeping current, keeping our eyes on the prize at hand.

But watching our friends go through two separations–the process of transitioning their son out of the house, and now this marital split–I realize shit’s getting real.

Profoundly sad. Weirdly destabilizing. I’ve been near tears all day. Had a nightmare-like thing last night.

Peter’s departure will be thrilling….. in the sense that raising and preparing our children to survive in the world and knowing they are as equipped as they can be, and that they’ve got a rich journey before them and we did our job–exactly the job we signed up for–and we did it well, is what this parenting thing is all about.  Well, yes, thrilling.

And it will be terrifying. Destabilizing. So many things are going to come to an end in a very short year. One day it will be like it’s always been, and the next day it’ll be not at all like it’s always been. I expect to feel a bit lost.

And I can’t even fathom how that feels on top of the dissolution of what seemed a totally mutually satisfying marriage between two people who seemed like best friends and soulmates.

‘Nuff said about this, too. With lots more to come as the year goes on.

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