American Biscuit

June 6, 2015

Or maybe it’s Sea Chrome, or California Secretary..

I am just going to sound way too cynical if I keep this up …

Let’s just say horse racing is not my thing. It is less my mom’s thing, made worse by the fact TENNIS is actually HUGELY her thing and one of the biggest tennis tournaments of the year was on today–the FRENCH OPEN–but was given extremely short shrift by the networks, SO short, we were able to see NONE of the only match played today–the WOMEN”S FINAL–because coverage began at 6:00AM which is just beyond ridiculous. But omg, the hours devoted to a very quick mile-and-a-quarter horse race….

My mom was fit to be tied.

(And tomorrow’s French Open MEN’S final features her all time favorite tennis player, her favorite since before anybody else knew or cared about him–Novak Djokovic–but his final also starts at 6:00am and that’s just not happening.

Fit to be tied, tied, tied,

Anyway… it was a lay low day, which happens a lot more these days…therefore horse racing.

We had the good sense to keep the TV on mute, and busied ourselves with gin rummy because, good lord, there was a lot of this:


She’s pretty, but what the hell is that on her head? Must be a race track fashion thing. Mostly it confirmed for me that I am absolutely not their target audience.

TWO HOURS into the coverage, the race was actually run. To spice things up, mom put a dollar on American Pharoah, and I put a dollar on anybody else.

We took the TV off mute and, for two and a half minutes, things got reasonably interesting.


Who doesn’t appreciate a gorgeously groomed, stunningly muscled horse? I will admit American Pharoah is a beautiful animal and from what I now gather, quite talented. (Everything I know about horse racing, I learned in that couple of minutes. Ask me anything you’d like.)

Anyway, shortly after that big event, and I mean really shortly, we returned to our gin rummy series, now in its third day. I am getting creamed, so, in addition to winning a buck on America’s new triple crownee, my mom’s day is looking up.