August 21, 2014

Oh man. Not going to post a picture today. Didn’t take any, but also I’m way too fried. My patience… it ran out a few hours ago and it wasn’t pretty.

I will say that it wasn’t an episode… one of those very horrible exchanges with my mom that–after I’ve blown my cool and reduced my mom to a withering mess on the verge of a coronary–makes me feel like an evil shrew who should never be allowed around old people. THAT hasn’t happened in maybe a couple years; it is truly, truly awful when it does.

Most of my impatience today remained inside me, and I promise it was justified…like, when she was so angry about having to take all her evening pills–she definitely does not see herself as a pill person–she emptied the allotment from her [ridiculously large] pill tray into her hand and simply threw the whole bunch into the garbage disposal. Yes, the garbage disposal. That whole lovely thing came on the heels of another frustrating conversation about her caregiver (who’s perfect, by the way) who can’t seem to do anything right (according to my mom) and I fear she’s going to quit because my mom is so mean to her.

Anyway, I didn’t explode (though I may have said, “fine, I don’t give a shit,” when she pulverized all her pills), but everything that did come out of my mouth for about an hour was bossy and curt… and frankly, she doesn’t need that either. I can really be insufferable when I’m bossing my mom around.

I can do better.

Matty told me to bring my A-game just prior to my last visit (just three weeks ago) and I was totally on my best behavior. She had just gotten out of the hospital and was recovering from a bout of pneumonia and I certainly wasn’t going to lose my patience with her when she was down. And I didn’t. It was a great visit. But I think I let my guard down today…. and she’s been feeling pretty good the past few days and has a lot of her feistiness back. Both lead to my impatience. It would seem.

Well. Tomorrow is another day.

We did see a great movie… Boyhood. I saw it last week with Jim and liked it well enough. Today–the second time around–I liked it even more. Here’s a collection of shots of the boy you watch grow up. Darling kid.




2 Responses to “Daughterhood”

  1. Teresa Cheyney Says:

    Keeping you and your mom in my thoughts! Sending positive vibes to both of you. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for her as well as for you. Deep breath, count to ten, use a mantra, whatever it takes to get through. Chad’s dad was just like this: frustrated, angry at his loss of independence. childish in his outbursts and behavior. Losing out mom at age 49 means that we don’t have to go through this with her but a part of me wishes we could. Do the best you can and I am sure Ina is doing the best she can, under the circumstances. Love you! Hope things are better today.

  2. Kari Says:

    Thanks, Teri. I hear you about your own mom (with love), and will try to remember that in the moment. I don’t know if ours is just the run-of-the-mill mother-daughter issues or if my buttons are hotter than most. Or if she is just an amazingly challenging person. She IS a tough cookie.The truth is, I see my mom a lot and I truly enjoy her, and in the next four days I will try to remember that. So far so good today!

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