August 21, 2014

Oh man. Not going to post a picture today. Didn’t take any, but also I’m way too fried. My patience… it ran out a few hours ago and it wasn’t pretty.

I will say that it wasn’t an episode… one of those very horrible exchanges with my mom that–after I’ve blown my cool and reduced my mom to a withering mess on the verge of a coronary–makes me feel like an evil shrew who should never be allowed around old people. THAT hasn’t happened in maybe a couple years; it is truly, truly awful when it does.

Most of my impatience today remained inside me, and I promise it was justified…like, when she was so angry about having to take all her evening pills–she definitely does not see herself as a pill person–she emptied the allotment from her [ridiculously large] pill tray into her hand and simply threw the whole bunch into the garbage disposal. Yes, the garbage disposal. That whole lovely thing came on the heels of another frustrating conversation about her caregiver (who’s perfect, by the way) who can’t seem to do anything right (according to my mom) and I fear she’s going to quit because my mom is so mean to her.

Anyway, I didn’t explode (though I may have said, “fine, I don’t give a shit,” when she pulverized all her pills), but everything that did come out of my mouth for about an hour was bossy and curt… and frankly, she doesn’t need that either. I can really be insufferable when I’m bossing my mom around.

I can do better.

Matty told me to bring my A-game just prior to my last visit (just three weeks ago) and I was totally on my best behavior. She had just gotten out of the hospital and was recovering from a bout of pneumonia and I certainly wasn’t going to lose my patience with her when she was down. And I didn’t. It was a great visit. But I think I let my guard down today…. and she’s been feeling pretty good the past few days and has a lot of her feistiness back. Both lead to my impatience. It would seem.

Well. Tomorrow is another day.

We did see a great movie… Boyhood. I saw it last week with Jim and liked it well enough. Today–the second time around–I liked it even more. Here’s a collection of shots of the boy you watch grow up. Darling kid.