Life of Wry

Oh my head. My heart. My soul. I’m doing my best to transition out of four years of trumpism and the endless presidential election and the last 8 months of intense political activism. Trying to ease my way back to a place of sanity and balance. I don’t know yet where that settling point will be. I have a lot to say about that, and will, but I’m on a new time schedule so am going to to keep this post short.

I am working on a new post-election, post-trump life organizing plan. It will have many exciting, healthy components (as all life organizing plans do!). One strategy I thought of today is intended to address the lack of sleep problem… cuz god knows I need a lot more sleep. The central feature of this plan is to schedule our “entertainment” (media? tv? what do we call it these days?) for 9pm, following which: go to bed, do not pass go, do not collect $200. And, key, no media until 1/blog is done and 2/procedures complete (in Frame/Peterson parlance, procedures are those things one does before turning in for the night.. I don’t know when we started calling them procedures, but there it is). If all goes according to plan, this new rule should result in my getting to sleep before 2 or 3am.. which, omg, has been a killer.

We’d been off the TV thing for months.. so it’s nice to get back into that routine! Tonight, it’s our second installment of the Queen’s Gambit. We just finished two nights of an Eagles documentary (fantastic)… so we are on a media roll!

Anyway…

My head’s been mush for the last week. I’d OD’d on election returns and did precious little else most days… a little cooking, walks, some cafe time.. but that’s about it. That did give me some time for this jigsaw puzzle. I’d started it while phonebanking some weeks ago, but had had a hard time getting much done, as the phone kept getting answered (imagine that).

This is a hard one. Either that, or my head’s mushier than I thought… I am probably 20 hours in.. and the really hard stuff remains.

Will keep you posted.

Following the announcement of Biden’s victory on Saturday late morning, I dropped into Newsbeat yesterday to get a copy of the Sunday New York Times for what I expected would be a sizzling headline for the ages. I wanted to make sure I had a copy of whatever their front page announcement of Biden’s victory would be for my little box of keepsakes. (Don’t laugh Jim!) (It’s not a little box.. it’s more like a set of four large file cabinets stuffed full of personal memorabilia.)

Even though it was still Sunday morning, they were sold out! Boy, was I bummed. Terrence (the owner) said he — in anticipation of the certain Davis demand — got extra copies, limited purchase to one per customer, put them all behind the counter to avoid chaos, and…. ran out within an hour. At 11am, I was way late.

Damn.

Well, in its place, I offer these:

Pictures can tell a good story.

I slept later than usual this morning. I woke up around 8:00 and was reading some stories on my phone, as you do, and in the middle of a NYT mini crossword puzzle when a notification crossed my screen: Joe Biden was the projected winner of the presidential race. At that moment, Jim walked in and asked if I’d heard. It seemed like old news at that moment, simply because we knew it was coming. In fact, I joked that “yeah, I heard the news, but, hey, I got a great time on the mini crossword.”

As the news really sunk in, though, it felt bigger and bigger. And pretty much the whole day’s been like floating on a cloud. And sixteen hours later, I’m still luxuriating in that rarified air of elation, relief, disbelief and that crazy feeling of living history.

First.. here’s a crowd shot from the day Kamala announced her candidacy for president back in January 2019.

I remember being ecstatic to be there. The energy was amazing. In the months that followed, I shifted my support to Elizabeth Warren, but that doesn’t take anything away from my total thrill that she is going to be our vice president now. She is a great selection, exactly right for this moment.

Here’s a screenshot of her from tonight’s event where she and Joe addressed the nation for the first time as Pres and VP-elect. Her comments and her presence were powerful. It was an absolutely thrilling moment to witness.

There was somewhat of a celebration dance party in Central Park this evening just before the Wilmington, Delaware event. It was spontaneous enough that the turnout was sparse, but I still danced my heart out for about 30 minutes which felt surprisingly liberating and duly celebratory! I ran into a few folks .. including Audrey…

One other shot from today that I like… Peter called to check in with us on the news. It is always so fun to hear his perspective and share an historical moment with him. I love him so much for caring and for observing such moments.

(I asked him to raise a fist.. and he was kind enough to oblige.. he’s such a good sport.)

Feeling hopeful. Please let this be a reset and the start of a much better path for this country. Seriously, our future depends on it.

We’re still in the throes of ballot counting. We aren’t, however, uncertain about the outcome. Which, I just have to say, is a great place to be.

Take your time Secretaries of State; accuracy is more important than speed.

There is still a measure of disquiet (more than little) .. just because we know that Trump isn’t going to go out gracefully. We know that we’re in for a couple of months of classless, boorish, norm-busting behavior (the usual). Again, his pathologies are going to be at work here. Unfortunate for all of us. Feels a bit edgy. No idea what Mr. Flamethrower’s working up. Also feels dangerous.

Jake Tapper called him a fish flopping around wildly on the shore, running out of oxygen. Anderson Cooper’s characterization was that of a turtle on its back, unable to right itself. Both images are deliciously apt. He’s just out of control and desperate, running out of time and solutions. Nobody coming to his aid (except the usual clown car of surrogates and family members).

And oh, Mark Meadows (chief of staff) has covid. Oops.

But what I realized today is that the context for all his WTF-ery has changed. Now it’s the flailing of a sore loser and not someone we have to take seriously just because, you know, he’s the president (not that I ever did). Now … just a loser. To twist one of his more juvenile schoolyard taunts and apply it here: “Joe Biden’s the president and you’re not.”

So now… with each passing day (even though the numbers are not final and Joe has yet to be officially declared), as all of this is gloriously sinking in, the lightness in my step is palpable! I spontaneously broke into short little jogs while walking downtown this afternoon. Listening to more music and fewer wonky political podcasts (although, those will be fun at this particular moment, too).

This little nugget of post-election time is a welcome and precious bit of light before we go into the season of darkness — both trump’s lame duck period, which I expect will be unsettlingly dark, and, literally, winter. Looking forward to coming out on the other side. And, by Jan 20’s inauguration, we’ll be past the worst of his shenanigans and past the winter weather and looking ahead to life under a new administration.

So, like I said, today felt bouncy and light. I called it a freedom walk. I decide to buy some new shoes and take them for a walk. Got talked into these by the guys at Fleet Feet (look at those square toes!):

And look at all this fall prettiness:

This is a thing:

They are all over downtown. It’s a response, of course, to trump’s wailing about fraud and his calls to stop the counting (in states where he’s winning).

We, in the SD/IY community are putting them up around town. Those who aren’t doing that, are at least putting them up around our own homes!

On the one hand, feeling fantastic that Joe Biden is poised to win the presidency. On the other, wish it had been a more decisive victory, and not such a close race.

Bummed that we did not overwhelmingly flip the senate as we had worked so hard to do for so many months. But encouraged that both senate races in Georgia look like they’ll go to a run off, and, if we win both of those, we would have a majority in the senate. That will give us something significant to focus on in the next couple of months. (Like we need more political action.. sigh…. no rest when so much is at stake.)

Ecstatic that we will return stability and sanity, decency and civility to the White House. And… scared out of my wits at the shocking things trump said today. At a press conference this afternoon he doubled down on his last remaining hail mary: the election is being stolen from him; he is the victim of massive voter fraud; this is not a fair election. It is clear he will not go down with dignity. He’s riling his base and inciting them to violence; he’s rapidly filing lawsuits in the states he’s losing. It’s clear to me he is deteriorating mentally, descending deep into his pathologies. He scares me. I feel like we are watching a madman. GOP is weak in responding. Some, like Lindsey Graham are supporting him. It’s sickening. But worse, it’s disturbing; I see no good end. The world is watching. Russia and China are high fiving themselves. The US is collapsing under trump.

My guess: Tomorrow Biden reaches the 270 mark, addresses the nation, moves forward on plans to take office. He meets with advisors, gets moving on the transition and keeps comments about trump to a minimum. Meanwhile trump noisily whines and complains and fires off ridiculous nuisance lawsuits, creating as much chaos as he can and undermining Biden’s victory. He won’t concede. He won’t graciously work with the Biden team on the transition. He won’t attend the inauguration. He won’t be there to welcome the Bidens to the White House. In the two and a half months until inauguration, he will burn down the house; if he’s going down, so is the country. Even after Biden takes office, he will continue to whip his base into a frenzy and be a thorn in everyone’s sides. Starved for attention and his ego bruised, he’ll continue to tweet in all caps and call into his friends at fox and rant like a crazy old man. He’ll start right away raising money for his reelection, claiming this election was rigged against him. Shockingly, his base will never leave him, therefore spineless GOP lawmakers will continue to prostitute themselves for him. He’ll never support a successor republican candidate, as only he is suited for the job. Poor stupid Pence. He will pull all kinds of crazy shit to keep his name in the news, even as he’s out of office. We have a monster on our hands. He. Will. Never. Shut. The. F. Up.

Okay. So that’s the good and bad.

Sorry.

Here’s a nice pic from one of two lovely walks today:

Not much anyway. Jim and I talked tonight about how tacky that’d be .. to gloat… at least via social media. I said that since my blog has a readership of about six people and I think I know most of those, and for the most part they swim in my puddle, it was probably okay to gloat here.

I listened a lot to the returns today. From the time I got up (6am, after going to sleep at about 3am) to now, the election has changed substantially. It’s not a sure thing that Joe Biden will win, but it’s looking likely. He won Wisconsin and Michigan today, which, given where those two states were last night (firmly in the Trump column) was a tectonic shift. Arizona and Nevada haven’t been called but at this point Joe’s in the lead. PA is narrowing, as is Georgia, neither of which Joe needs.

This is way too much detail… written by someone who’s been completely immersed in returns all day.

Bottom line, started the day in despair, ended by happy-shouting at my computer — where I was watching CNN — taunting and nah-nah-nah-nah’ing Trump at the top of my lungs (while doing a jigsaw puzzle).

Talk about Cloud 9.

I know from roller coasters, however. This is the T administration… the most unpredictable, unstable, flame-throwing administration in history. Who knows what will happen between today and January 20. I know not to count on anything.

Here are some pics from the past couple of days:

This was the morning of election day. I was training volunteers on phone banking — the last 6 hours of our 45-hour Call-a-Palooza. Yes, still training folks on the day of the election! Peter joined us all the way from Michigan. He made 37 calls, I believe, but more notable, he spent 90 minutes on the phone with an 80-year-old voter in Montana. He learned about the guy’s life experiences and what brought him to his world view, including Vietnam. It may not have been the most productive phone banking session in terms of voter contacts, but it was a memorable conversation for Peter (and very likely the gentleman). We know now that we did not flip the Montana senate seat; Steve Bullock did not win. (In fact, most the senate races we poured our hearts into over the last 8 months did not flip, despite polling that suggested that they were close and flippable. I’m feeling like the country is so polarized and so settled into their chosen silos that NO AMOUNT of political action would have made a difference. Cynical me.

Here is a race that did flip, however. Mark Kelly! New Senator from Arizona.

This is a shot of election night where we SD and IY folks gathered every hour on the half to just be together. We had an informal program that lasted a few minutes, including our reporting on less mainstream races (I had Iowa). Early in the evening, it was fun and light. By the later hours, it was awful, as Biden was losing and we were all experiencing PTSD reminiscent of 2016. Many tears.

One of the good things that happened last night was Kelly’s race: she won! This is a screen shot of her phone, and represents the results from Sac County. Her race encompasses both Sac and Yolo County, so this is not the whole picture, but it was fun to see how Sac County voted

This is a shot of last night’s Electoral College map.. which was AWFUL! This map really says it all.

This is my favorite postcard of the season… one hand drawn by Audrey’s 6-year-old daughter.

And finally… as I felt a lot more relaxed today, allowing myself to believe that Biden might actually win this thing.. he at least has the momentum. I walked downtown, on a 70 degree sunny fall day (they’ve all been like this for weeks), listening to music. I am so fragile, a sunny day and music made me cry. Here’s me, sitting at Cloud Forest.

Van Jones, as usual, said it best: We may (or may not) get a political victory tonight, but we most certainly did not get a moral victory. There was no repudiation of the worst, most disgusting human being ever to occupy the White House. That’s not a direct quote, but the part about political v. moral victory is the key point. We wanted a moral victory. We didn’t get it. That hurts like bloody hell. Half the country, or so, thinks this asshole is a great president. We are lost. We have lost our country.

It’s not looking good for a political victory at this point, either. And certainly not without a fight, a fight that will not be fairly fought.

We will not likely get the Senate either. My guess. Not quite clear at this point.

We are looking at a massive loss.

It’s not even clear whether outstanding ballots will be counted. They are being counted as we speak, and/or counting will resume in the morning. But, not without a fight from our colossally irresponsible pres. If things go his way, ballots would not be counted in states where he is ahead at this moment (Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan…and some others), and would continue to be counted in states where he is behind (Arizona, Nevada). I believe he plans to take these ballot counting issues to the courts. I couldn’t listen, but I believe he also just declared victory. The crazy thing is, he’s telegraphed explicitly his plans to do exactly this for months. We just all hoped it would be a landslide for Biden and would foreclose this option.

So… I don’t know where we are, but it’s nowhere good. Those of us who believe in and rely on rules, protocol, laws and norms believe we just do what we always do: count ballots until we have a result. And those who believe in Trump just believe whatever that con man says…rules, protocol, laws and norms be damned.

Even if ballots are counted–and of course they should be–and even if Biden were to miraculously manage to accumulate 270 electoral college votes, Trump will pursue court challenges in courts he’s stacked.

This is the worst of all possible outcomes. We may not retake the WH. We won’t likely flip the Senate. We’ve already lost the courts. There are no guard rails. I believe our country is in serious peril. I think this democracy experiment is on the verge of failure. Mr. Authoritarian wannabe is forever in charge.. just as he wanna’d.

And may I just add: WTF is with these polls? And how did we fall for it again? They betrayed us in 2016. They betrayed us in 2020. Never again will I ever trust a poll. Tonight, my faith is disintegrating. I question my sources. I question people I’ve counted on for guidance and truth. None of it is bearing out. Jake Tapper said something that would be hilarious if it wasn’t so painfully true: “You can’t get high on your own supply.” We did. We did get high. We thought we had this one. We believed our people, our sources, our facts, our polls. None bore out. We laughed at those who thought Trump was anything but an aberration. Not an aberration. Our forever president*

*Never my president.

I’ve really laughed as commentators and pundits have described democrats as suffering from PTSD. It’s a nervous and knowing laugh — dread wrapped in a smile — but it cracks me up. We are so scared and scarred by our experience of the last election and are not counting on anything. Even if Nate Silver says it’s 89% for Biden and 10% for Trump. Because: polls. We are traumatized by what happened four years ago. Speaking for myself, it’s anxiety on top of pessimism on top of fear on top of distrust. I feel like I want a big protective barrier around me. I feel uncertain, shaky, tender.

Like everyone.

Nervous snacking tonight. And for the record, I have heartburn. Something I’ve never had until just a few months ago. I’m inclined to think it’s related to general, ongoing stress. I blame the president*.

I just watched the Dixville Notch, NH result come in Silliness… but 5-zip, Biden. First results in the country (12:05am EST). Hope it’s a trend.

I’ve let myself get knotted up by all of this,.. emotions are a little too close to the surface. I saw this endearing postcard artwork on Audrey’s Facebook and it made me cry (artwork courtesy of her 6 year old daughter). So she addressed and stamped it, and sent it to me. I am so moved by it.

Hang in everyone.

This pic is from a few days ago. Six of us assembled along the Covell Blvd bike over-crossing in the dark early morning, ready to greet commuters with waving signs at they headed off to work.

Turns out, not that many people are heading off to work at 7am these days. Cars were few and far between, hilariously enough. Still, we stood with our signs, mostly talking and drinking lattes in the 40 degree temps. I enjoyed it!

Working on Kelly’s campaign has been both fun and an education. I started out on the Communications Team with a larger role at the beginning, and a couple of months into the campaign stepped back a bit in favor of sanity and balance. Quite out of character for me to make such a smart, self-care sort of choice. And quite in character, I felt sorta bad about it for the next several months. Can’t win for losing.

Still, I ended up doing all kinds of things as just a member of the campaign’s Comms Team, rather than its lead.

[And just to clarify, I have remained co-lead of the Sister District/IY Comms Team, which has been hecka busy since March.]

Anyway, re: the campaign Comms Team… what a lot of stuff I’ve learned — we’ve ALL learned — about running a campaign. A fascinating juxtaposition, as we are all witness to a national presidential campaign. So many campaign elements are the same, and the challenges of running a campaign in a pandemic are also the same for the big races as they are for the way way down ballot races like Kelly’s.

For example fundraising, budgeting, endorsements, managing the campaign team, and, particularly fun, the nuts and bolts of building a message and ways to get that message out there. We had money people, exceptional designers, writers, data people. Everyone smart, creative, enthusiastic.

There are just trillions of decisions and pieces to coordinate — just like, but maybe even harder than, a huge home remodel project! Ha!

I got to do campaign social media, phonebanking, texting, lit drops, letters to the editor, lawn sign distribution, postcard writing… all of it just like the big campaigns, only at a regional scale.

And lots of Zoom meetings. Countless, really.

It was incredibly fascinating to be immersed in the minutia of Kelly’s campaign, while working in such similar ways on electoral activism with SD/IY, while observing the national campaign/s. It has been a YEAR of intense politics on absolutely every level. For example, as I was on the sending end of texts, I developed a gentler reaction to the hundreds of texts I received from dozens of campaigns. Before, I surely would have been beyond annoyed by now.. but I’m not, because a person’s on the other end who simply cares about a candidate, or a race, or our flipping country enough to take the time to take that action. I am also that person.

Anyway, down ballot, up ballot, it’s all pretty much the same. And it’s been a welcome obsession during this pandemic year. I have worked intensely with dozens of people I didn’t even know before, many I’ve still not even met in person. (How weird is that?) And many, I hope, will remain friends after this.

Though.. what is after this? We don’t know what happens next. We are in a frenzied sprint to the finish — Tuesday’s election — without a sense of who will win, what will happen when one or the other comes out on top. We’re planning for scary contingencies and can’t imagine there will not be continued work no matter which way this goes. We assume we reach an end of some sort when suddenly we find ourselves without long lists of things to do, no meetings to attend, no calls-texts-postcards to send, no canva designs to come up with, no Facebook posts to make. There must be an end, an exhale, a regrouping.

But we built this enormous capacity. We have a newfound knowledge base and institutional depth that is immeasurable. We have created a massive — no exaggeration — infrastructure of volunteers and practices that really shouldn’t just be shut down. The FACT is, there has been a democratic club in Davis for decades and decades. But SD/IY have come along and completely reimagined political activism in this town. Hundreds of volunteers, 100,000 calls to voters, 3 million texts, 80-100,000 postcards sent and teams that hum. We built the plane as we flew it, but ended up doing a great job on the fly. We have been well-led and enormously effective. We’ve empowered hundreds. Our leadership team’s incredibly professional, smart, creative and impressive. Imagine if there hadn’t been a pandemic.

What it all becomes is still to be figured out. People who got involved four years ago out of the shock of the 2016 election loss (“loss”) and who thought they’d just channel their despair, anger and growing angst into postcard writing (which became so much more) and wanted to make sure THAT never happened again, and have been in the fight right up until this very moment — a moment when we hope to see trump profoundly defeated and hundreds of democrats elected (yes, up and down the ballot), and a return to something normal — now realize they have a deep well of experience and capacity… which is powerful.

We can’t just let that go… but what becomes of all of this?

Stay tuned.