Life of Wry

I actually had this thought today:

Summer will come, and when it does, there will be no more grad night committee, no more graduation planning. High school baseball will be over. The college question will be settled, as will details about dorms, meal plans, orientations, and move-in day.

And get this, Peter will be done with school (K-12 school anyway). I know that is obvious, but do you know what that means?? It means the sort of chronic school-related stressy stress that always kind of hangs in the air–even as he’s aged and matured and is more responsible for his own stuff, mostly–will be gone. I/we are always still sort of wondering if the homework’s getting done and wondering if he’s staying on top of tests and projects. We still have to get him up in the morning and hope he makes it to school on time (he doesn’t). Still have to barter for the car every day. Money management is still a thing, wanting him to have enough to participate in activities with friends–knowing he has no time for a job–but also knowing that we subsidize more than we maybe should.  I always feel a nagging need to read the DHS daily bulletin, and check in with SchoolLoop, I mean, what if I miss something! And there’s the endless permission slips, health forms, product orders; and staying on top of practice and game schedules; and keeping the lunch inventory stocked; and there’s the bedroom, bathroom, laundry and backpack management I should have nothing at all to do with. But do. And parents gotta volunteer. Gotta do it. [Hangs head]…but are we doing enough?

All of this is on the should list. And it never feels quite done, or done enough. If you’re me, you’re always thinking there is a better way, a smarter path, a super opportunity not taken. Should he have done this or participated in that? Did we let him down by not knowing about something? Should I have researched that one thing a little more? Should I have done what all those experienced, smart parents did? How did I not know about that great, not to be missed opportunity? Wasn’t I supposta …  whatever. I’m usually pretty sure I’ve failed him in some important way. With all the savvy parents in this over-educated town, there IS always a better way. Somebody always has a better line on something. What did we miss?

I’ve completely and totally come to peace with all of this–especially now as most of it is gloriously MOOT–my new favorite word. I’m no longer in the hamster wheel or feeling like I’m walking through school without my clothes on. I’ve accepted that I/we have done enough, have loved and cared to the moon and back. We are good parents. We raised a good kid. Our effort with this School Thing was enough. I think I maybe matured out of the school-related anxieties long ago.

Maybe. Mostly.

But still…..and this is what I thought about today, it is going to feel unspeakably, unimaginably, load-lighteningly HEAVENLY to not have any of that to worry about, none of that hanging over my head come Summer 2016. And then Fall will roll around and none of that will be on my mind. NONE OF IT.

Replaced most certainly by a new set of anxieties, but the daily, low-level weight of school, and all those niggly, naggly things above?  *Poof*. Gone.

I’m dreading a lot about the coming transition, but I also see that there are going to be some genuine advantages to a life beyond high school.

I am looking forward to summer!

 (Butts belong to my grand nephew River, butt on the right, and his cousin with the floral diapers, whose name, believe it or not, I’ve forgotten at the moment. What a great picture, huh? Bluff Cove, Palos Verdes.)