Life of Wry

Starting to feel it today….

The Peter projects list is shrinking with many anxiety items checked off:

• Senior year: a wrap
• Baseball: a wrap
• College: researched, applied to, heard from, narrowed down, chosen..and re-chosen
• Major: picked
• Registration, housing contract, dorm application, orientation: in process
• Pass Spanish 6: done
• Graduation: done
• Graduation gift: in process
• Grad Night: done
• Graduation party: done
• Grad trip, vacations, summer schedule: planned
• 18th birthday: in process

A sense of relaxation is welling up…  hasn’t overtaken the end-of-high school-transition-to-college anxieties fully… but it’s beginning its surge. Checked a lot off the list this weekend.

Today… just hung out with Matty and Michael, enjoying the hell out of a day I didn’t have to plan and execute. Brunch, a matinee, two more grad parties… bring on the wine!

I so enjoyed Matt & Michael’s visit. Here’s a pic, in front of Mishka’s of course.. pre-movie iced tea on a lovely warm, but not too warm, afternoon:

~~

This was also the day we learned of the murder of 49 people in an Orlando gay bar, with another 53 injured in yet another mass shooting. Again an assault rifle. Again a disaffected,  discontent, misled, confused young man who had easy access to a machine gun. Again, after the rampage, guns sales soared, again contributions to the NRA spiked, again the spewing of hysterical rhetoric about how the government will soon be after our guns. An added dimension, because it’s election season: one presidential candidate is exploiting the tragedy with renewed promises, if elected, to restrict Muslims and anyone from a Muslim country from entering the US, and embellishing that with hints at installing surveillance equipment at US mosques. The candidate, capitalizing on fear and stoking hatred, bellows over social media about getting tough on dangerous immigrants once and for all, because nobody else is, and claims he is the only leader who can keep us safe, and then congratulates himself for also being the only guy with the guts to speak out on radical Islamic terrorism.

Deeply saddened by this whole sorry state of affairs.

People should not be dying at the hands of unstable people with ridiculously easy access to military-style weapons.

I couldn’t let the moment go without a celebration. For us, parents of one-and-only’s, every event, every milestone is a one-time deal. It’s all one-and-done. So we have to mark these occasions as notably as we can. They only come around once.

We’re a funny mix. Me, who loves ceremony and ritual and is a serious occasion marker, married to Jim who does not stand on formality (to say the least), raising Peter who’d just as soon disappear into the shadows with nary a whisper. Both Jim and Peter are the opposite of people who draw attention to themselves. I know this. I contend, however, that Jim appreciates it on some level, especially if I do most of the planning, and Peter will like it one day, as his story is told in pictures and remembered in random memories of events he claimed he didn’t want to be a part of.

I do this for Peter, even though he could seriously take it or leave it and would really, honestly, rather leave it. However, as an only kid with not a lot of family around, not even a kitten, (though once he had a fish named Ladybug Sandy Goldie), I feel like we have to create a community around him whose support he feels. I want him to know he’s a part of something bigger, even if he’s siblingless, even if we’re a small unit of three, and I want him to always know he’s loved and known in his community. That’s me projecting a whole lot of my own values and needs on him, god knows, but what the hell. It’s a good excuse for a party.

The party in photos:

I loved the invitation (boy, did I love it). Here’s the cover (an oldie but goodie, you’ve seen it before), Peter on his first day of kindergarten:

And here’s the inside:

And then the usual decorations, food and drink.

Michael helped me decorate the house.  He’s got flare. First, we blew up a buncha balloons.

And put them all over with selected other congratulations paraphernalia:

I loved the piano detail:

Michael chose ancient photos of Peter to put in this garlandy thing:

I particularly liked the inscription on the cake. I told Peter I think he possesses characteristics that will carry him well into the world–curiosity, kindness, decency, loyalty to his friends, intelligence, humor, good sense, resourcefulness, playfulness… things like that there… but if I could send him off with a parting word of advice, it would be:  don’t procrastinate. (I guess that’s two words.) Procrastination is his M.O., his calling card, and will be one of his biggest challenges to overcome. It earned a spot on his cake. That big a deal.

The food was from Nugget, and colorful…

I forgot to put out all the cheese and crackers I’d gotten.

Here are Solly and Peter, before folks started arriving:

Here are guys in conversation… baseball guys: James, Daniel, Walter, Solly, Peter:

And guys in formation…. Jordon, Reed, James, Daniel, Solly, Peter. (There but not pictured: Sebastian, Ray, Kiara, Jacob. Unable to come: Jack, Eli and Daniel B.):

Mostly it was family, some close family friends, Peter’s immediate circle of friends and their parents.

Jim recovered from a two-day bout with either a bug or food poisoning, and I think he–we all–had a great time.

So there!

If you work on something for the better part of year, you really want it to be a success. You want to end on a soaring, positive note and feel like all the effort, all the grief, was worth it.

Mission accomplished.

I was dubious. I had my moments of wondering who this was all for. The hundreds of volunteers, the tens and tens and tens of thousands of dollars, the excruciating detail I doubted anyone would ever appreciate. I never questioned that all the effort was to benefit the kids, but I did question the degree of parental and community involvement. At times, it seemed so far over the top, I really had to wonder if the whole Grad Night enterprise would not benefit from a massive overhaul, a revisit of the mission. After all, all healthy organizations go through, or should go through, that exercise. It seemed like Grad Night was collapsing from the sheer weight of something that was over-organized, something that had become the Winchester Mystery House of events, something stuck in a lot of dated paradigms, but with a tinge of modern fixes slapped on. And when you’re in it, stuck in processes that are the way it’s always been, you get bogged down. I thought maybe we were losing the vision a little.

Old administrators have a hard time being worker bees when things are not tight and efficient. There was so much I wanted to fix.

And.. there was a ton that worked really, really well.  So who’s going to argue?

And, best of all, we’re through it. It went off without a hitch. And I get to walk away. I will leave its revamping to future parents.

Most importantly, the kids who attended–some 500 of them–had a great time. They had a place to be, a place to release, a place to hang with friends in a fairly intimate setting. It was a huge gift that the parents and community gave them–a last great party–and I think they’ll remember it and appreciate the effort. Peter really and truly had a fantastic time. Stayed to the bitter end. Had stories to tell. This, certainly, is a good thing.

I’d taken Matt, Michael, Heidi and Manoj over for the public tours in the late afternoon on Friday, just hours before doors would open for the grads. I got a few pictures. The mood is really enhanced when the sun goes down and the lights come up, but there was a lot to be impressed by when the final decorating touches had been complete.

Here is a corner of the casino. Note the chandeliers. This room was all about Alice in Wonderland.

Here is the Hogwarts-themed music room where Boxer Bingo, henna tattoos, massage chairs and movies (Harry Potter, of course) took place. The brick and nighttime sky effect are achieved with wall paper. Every piece of furniture is brought in:

And here’s some hallway detail leading to Hogwarts:

This hallway, leading to the restaurant, is Great Gatsby-themed:

And it just sorta goes on and on. I asked Peter whether he enjoyed the Friends’ Cafe, a corner of Emerson that was set up to look like the Central Perk Cafe from the Friends TV show, with giant subway maps and NYC skylines and comfy furniture… and he’d missed that detail! He liked the mocha slushies they served though–his favorite of all the food, he said. I think that happens a lot. More detail than the kids will ever appreciate.

Peter said he’d missed Bernie Sanders, who welcomed students when they first entered the hall… I didn’t get a photo when it was all set up, but here’s a photo-op taken a couple weeks prior at an organizing meeting:

I have some final evaluations and wrap ups to do before I’m done with my duties, but for the kids, Grad Night’s a wrap.

What a day, what a day. It lived up to its billing, for the sheer fact: Peter graduated from high school. Not that that was at all in question, but rather: milestone. One of the biggies.

Some shots on the day, and a bit of commentary:

Family came. I have to say, this was nice. I encouraged family to attend family parties–one in the north and one in the south–instead of enduring the reading of 600+ names of strangers under what could have been blazing sun on uncomfortable bleachers, but then again, it was nice that Matt, Michael, Heidi and Manoj were there!

Just for fun, here’s a photo of John’s graduation from South High in 2004.. Chris, John, Peter and Jay. They were a bit more formal than Davis, where most kids wore shorts and flip flops. I remember thinking Chris was so modern.. taking pictures on his flip phone! I also remember thinking, wow… here’s Peter, having just completed kindergarten… one day he will graduate from high school!

And so he did….

Here is our pre-ceremony family dinner:

And here are a couple of fashionistas helping Peter with his mortarboard:

And off he goes:

A ticket snafu (that is, Peter left the tickets in the car and Jim, instead of collecting them at will call, had to hike down to Eureka and Mills to retrieve them) left us scrambling for seats at the last minute and resulted in family cheer squad separation. At least Matt, Mike, Heidi and Manoj sat together. And Jim and I sure needed each other.

Smily on the outside, weepy on the inside…. parents of the graduate:

It was a lovely evening… not the least bit hot. Ceremony was two hours long… with speeches and the ceremonial presentation of diplomas. I couldn’t see the stage, but did have a clear view of the giant projector screen, so most of my photos are taken of those screen images.

The processional. I’m still humming Pomp and Circumstance…

Principal Will Brown:

There were several student speakers. I liked this one, Darya Saberi:

This is why I’m glad I have friends who take and share photos with me…. here is my view…

and my photographic effort…I was trying so hard to get a good one of Peter, but shaky and rushed as he made his brief appearance…

Thank goodness for Marc up in the bleachers, who got these two!

Marc also got shots of the graduating class in their seats… this pano was right side of stage, where I think Peter was:

And this is a great one of the left side of the stage and the ceremonial shifting of tassels, followed by the cap toss…

Damn… gets me every time. Sniff.

And post ceremony photos. We convened on the quad to get out of the crowd a little…Peter and many of his friends got that memo.

Reed, Peter and Daniel:

Peter and Ray, who will both go to UCSD in September:

And the traditional family shot:

And that is that.

The next couple days are going to be a bit of a blur. At this moment, it’s quiet, the calm before the storm. Peter left a few minutes ago for a big dress rehearsal at the high school for all graduating seniors. Family arrives this morning, in about an hour, which begins multiple organized meals and lots of visiting. Can’t wait. Tonight: the big event, followed by the big ol’ hairy Grad Night extravaganza (see a few pics below of yesterday’s all-day set up. Oh my.). Can’t wait. Tomorrow, more visiting and a celebration party for Peter. Can’t wait! Sunday, more celebrations, more planned meals, and more visiting. Family departs Sunday evening then.. it might hit. (Maybe… we’ll be turning right around and heading to La Jolla for UCSD’s orientation, followed immediately by Peter & Co’s Hawaii grad trip. Then, maybe it’ll hit.)

But for now… for the next three days, family, celebrations, galas… and lots of photos, you know, in case it’s all too blurry here in graduation central.

Will catch up with all of that in later posts.

~~

For now, this particular ending… the get Peter up for school effort. No more school.. no more this…

Jim’s that parent, the one who is mostly on the front lines of the get up battle. His weapon? The guitar. More mornings than not, it’s the serenade method, and looks like this:

Thank you, yes, I managed to stealthily snap this photo a couple of weeks ago, sensing the end of this lovely, often hilarious ritual.

Hilarious because throughout, Peter is groaning and begging Jim to leave, to come back in one more minute. The relentless chorus. He’s usually unconscious.. I’m not even sure he hears the guitar.

But Jim persists, also relentlessly.

Shit, but I’ll miss that.

~~

So.. you know it’s a huge violation of the tradition of Grad Night secrecy to reveal anything at all about the theme(s) of Grad Night (and its many venues within). I’ve resisted posting pictures in the past about the various elements I’ve come across in this months long Grad Night planning endeavor.

Yesterday was set up day. As soon as the junior high school kids cleared out–their last day of school–the Grad Night set up folks moved in to begin the amazing transformation of Emerson. I was there for about six hours of it.

Being careful not to give up too much…

There must have been a hundred volunteers on hand, in each of two shifts. Volunteers registered in the hospitality room, got name badges and were sent off to their assigned locale. People were running around all over the place in very organized chaos. Experienced crews were there from some of the area’s construction contractor businesses. The Sacramento Theatrical Lighting folks were everywhere. All the set up committees were in their respective places hanging, assembling, stapling, taping, cutting, draping.. on hands and knees, on ladders, on scaffolding, on scissor lifts…

Here’s one of the larger venues.. the casino:

I was asked to purchase a new ping pong table a couple days ago.. last minute need. Jim picked it up for me, delivered it to Emerson, and volunteers worked today to assemble it in the gym, where, after the last of the hypnotist shows, kids can unwind with ping pong and basketball..

I thought the tool check out was well done.

They provided a huge buffet dinner for all the volunteers.. which was nice.. all with donated food. All and all… this is one huge effort.

Here’s the butt of one of the three co-chairs… (speaking of endings..)

Taking Matt, Michael and Heidi over this afternoon for a tour. Grad Night is so big, and the contributions so widespread throughout the community, that touring it before the doors open at 9:30pm for the graduates is a big event in itself.

And at that point I can finally take real pictures.. and will post later. A year’s worth of work on the part of hundreds and hundreds of people… and tens of thousands of dollars in community donations.

Hope it comes off okay… Peter’s stories will tell.

Today was Peter’s first full day as a post high school student. He managed two rounds of golf–18 holes this very early morning at Wild Horse and 13 holes this evening at Muni. They apparently ran out of daylight.  I have no idea what he looks like out on the course.. though he recaps each hole in excruciating detail when he gets home.

He is hooked.

Seemed like a good time to take a look back at his first foray onto the links.  Turns out, he was 6 1/2 years old. These pictures were taken in Palm Springs at a family weekend celebration of my Uncle Bud’s 80th birthday, back in December 2004.

Putting…

Nice… nice…

And PUTTING…

(Cousin John and Uncle Bud in background.)

And driving!

Not sure it’s safe for that man to be turning his back on Peter… I note some balls that didn’t get very far off the tee…

As Alice Cooper said, “School’s out for the Summer. School’s out forever.”

In honor of this crazy fact, here are some pics:

First day of kindergarten, posed–as all first day of school pics–in front of the sycamore tree.. a tree, as I’ve written before, that is nourished with Peter’s placenta. Yup. Sentimental as all get out.

[Whattaya think, the shoes or the eyebrows? What is best about this picture? The position of the hands? His winsome smile? This photo just melts my heart right down to the nubbins.]

And today (occurs to me, I should have had him pose likewise.. missed a bet there):

How about a backpack comparison?

Okay, how about comparing modes of transportation?

This kid rode his bike to school every single day from kindergarten day one…until his junior year of high school when his bike had been stolen and he ended up walking the entire year; and then in his senior year when he DROVE most days… for goodness sakes, to a school closer to home than either Chavez or Holmes.

His Davis school career.

Not counting a year of nursery school, that’s 13 years; somewhere between 60-70 teachers; countless homework assignments and reports; countless tests, quizzes and assessments; a boatload of As, a fair smattering of Bs, and until Spanish 6 this year, zero Cs (do I have to count that F in Independent Life Sports for dropping out without notifying anybody, which may or may not have counted in his GPA, I was never sure?).

And of course the value of school was anything but grades and tests and homework. It was as much about his friends, his social development, and his discovery of who he is. It was about learning how to function in the world, about learning how to deal with successes and failures.

I’m certain beyond any doubt that Jim and I knew but a small fraction of what he experienced on a day to day basis between the time he left for school and the time he came home. A lot happened in that special, unique space known as school that contributed to who he is and how he views the world. And we had little to do with it.

I’m deeply grateful for it all. Imperfect and perfect at the same time.

Anyway… just wanted to post some first day/last day photos. Because that is EXACTLY why I took them…. so that one day, we could look back and see what he looked like way back when, and especially how much he’d grown.

~~

Postscript on the election:

I’m having a bit of voter’s remorse on this one. I voted against Nishi, even though I thought it was a reasonably good–good enough–infill project. It was an emotional vote, impulsive once in the booth, against the personality & attitude of the developer, who’d been a petulant a-hole in a forum. That was it.

Jim was a huge Matt supporter and worked on his campaign. I came to also like his platform and his approach to serving on the council. I hope he’ll return next cycle.

I wasn’t displeased, but I was surprised by the margin. I voted for Bernie, happily, though was mightily torn. Hope his message makes its way into the party platform and he into a central role in the Clinton administration. Still feelin’ the burn.

It’s election day in California, and I’d rather post election returns, but final numbers are not in yet. Hint: Hillary is winning California. Measure A, with 19% of precincts in, is hanging on by 41 votes (with over 11k counted). I’ll report more tomorrow. So far, I’m 0 for 2, but we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

In the meantime, here’s my favorite thing to eat these days:

It eats like ice cream, but nutritionalizes like fruit.

Ingreds: froz strawberries, blueberries, mangoes, cherries, cranberry juice concentrate; fresh bananas; nf vanilla yogurt; orange juice; nf milk; semi sweet chocolate chips; and ice.

Blend, serve with a spoon. Makes two full bowls. Both of which I eat. I can’t talk afterward because my mouth is frozen.

I call it a smoofie. Not sure why.

With tonight’s baseball banquet a wrap, I can now say Peter’s high school baseball career is really and truly over.

In attendance: the varsity team, the junior varsity team, coaches from both, and muchos parents, grandparents and siblings. Crowd estimates were well over a hundred. 🙂

The Bell house, way out in the middle of farmland and along the western edge of the municipal golf course, was the site of the extravaganza.

Here are some pics:

Not sure of the game in progress here, but they were having a great time. Even drippy wet, I can pick out Mason, Peter, Hunter and Ray in the water, Eton in dramatic mid-leap. And Ryan looking on. That could be Daniel’s arm and Gabe’s head.

Here’s Dan just prior to the presentations. It’s always a bit shocking for me to see coaches out of uniform… like the regular guys they are. If we first met them as civilians in everyday casual wear, we might not be so intimidated and tongue tied every time we found ourselves face to face. Whatever that was, I don’t think I ever really got over my awkwardness in the coaches’ presence. Any of them. Weirdo me. (And for the final embarrassing, socially inept blow, I cried–yep, tears, lump in throat, immovable mouth–when I tried to say thanks for everything and goodbye. Honestly. Hope he got the message: it was a good time.)

JV coach Jaret Kahoalii and assistant coach Rich, his dad, started things off. Nice guys, very well-liked coaches, but not comfortable public speakers. Names were read. Kids were handed certificates. Eyes were not met. End of the JV portion of the program.

Next up: varsity. Here’s Dan at the mic, with Dave Nicholson, Woody Woodard (barely visible, who has an actual first name that is not actually Woody), Thomas Goykovich and Robby Bronson looking on. (Mark Kenner and Tom Turray couldn’t make it.)

He speaks to a rapt audience (of course, he’s the 20+ year veteran head coach of Davis’ only varsity baseball program who’s got their baseball futures in his hands.):

Dan also, legendarily, doesn’t love public speaking, but can go on a very long time about baseball and the kids he loves so much. He has an amazingly photographic memory for game details and greatly enjoys sharing them. He has a vast inventory of stories about each player, and loves sharing those, as well. It was amusing, heartwarming, revealing.  It was GREAT to hear Dan speak so kindly and genuinely reverently about each player.

He handed out the Riggins award for most inspirational player to Solly! And the Bobby Jones award for MVP to Ryan; no surprise there, both exceptionally well deserved.

Several of the seniors made heartfelt presentations to the coaches that included personal stories and reflections. Peter spoke about pitching coach Kenner (being intimidated at first, but coming to value his mentorship). Daniel, Mason, Solly, Ray and Ryan also presented. They were all just terrific.

The whole program, all 60 minutes of  it, and, in fact the whole evening–a final gathering (for us) with the baseball kids and families we’ve known and mostly loved for so long–provided due and satisfying closure. And except for choking up at the end when closure-ing with Dan, I held it together quite well.

I was a little late shooting the cake… but actually got a slab with Peter’s name and a pretty funny typo…

Go Blue Devils.

That weirdo looking stick in Peter’s hands is his new putter.

I am rather impressed with his selection. There were a few hundred choices at the Haggin Oaks Pro Shop, all arrayed around a large putting green inside the store. It was quite cool; there were about 4-6 holes to aim for, a large fake tree in the middle… and if you used your imagination, you might think you were on a putting green on some real live golf course somewhere fabulous (not really).  Around the putting green were about 14,593 different styles of golf bags to choose from. The store was a tad overwhelming.

[Related, but not to my golf post here, was a story I heard on NPR this morning about the psychology of choice, and how the more choices a person has, the less likely that person is to actually make a choice. Their example was mutual fund investments. They found that the more funds available to choose from, the less likely a person was to invest at all… it’s overwhelming, you’re rarely happy with your choice for fear of having made the wrong one, you’re more inclined to avoid the anxiety altogether, etc.

One might expect a 17 year old to be overwhelmed, or certainly to make a poor choice… but maybe not…]

Peter and I spent about 30 minutes shooting around. Really fun. The clubs ranged from a low of about 29 bucks to some that were around $400. There may have even been more expensive ones.. I just didn’t see them. Peter–a gear head who typically ranks quality and value by the price of the item, and has always wanted the best he could talk us into buying–chose a $30 putter. It was his first putter and he wanted to get something inexpensive enough that he could try it and not feel bad if it didn’t pan out. Uncharacteristically sensible.  The kid is really growing up.

He also got two golf gloves for $12, super bargain, and he selected a pair of Nike golf shoes that were also incredibly reasonably priced.

Anyway…  equipping ourselves for the big Maui golf adventure in a couple weeks.

By this evening, he’d come up with a living room putting competition that turned out really fun. Golfer me lost. I think I’m toast, but we’ll see what Hawaii brings.