Life of Wry

I just learned about the death of Trudy Keel. Miss Keel was one of my PE teachers in high school. I found out sort of unexpectedly. I did a google search last night… while I was standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth, actually. Not sure what in the world prompted it, but some thought crossed my mind and I wondered where/what she was up to. I typed her name into the googles and up popped an entry (from three and a half years ago) on the Palos Verdes High School Memories 60s and 70s Facebook page, a reference to her death. It was a small post, only a handful of people responded to it, but it stopped my heart. I’d felt really close to her in high school and it was a serious blow.

As it was very late, I went to bed, but today I did a deep dive and gleaned a wee bit more info.

Best I can figure, she left Palos Verdes at some point and returned to Arkansas. The obituary says she moved to Heber Springs to buy a marina. Here’s the obit…

While there is no mention of Betsy in the obit, they were a couple. Betsy was also a PE teacher at PVHS. They arrived together and left together everyday. We learned that they shared an apartment in Torrance. In the 70s, not very many people were talking openly about same sex couples. Students, I imagine, suspected (and gossiped) about their relationship, but I can honestly say it didn’t register with me one way or the other.

I think it’s odd Betsy was not mentioned in the obit. I actually did a search, as well, on her and turned up what I believe is strong evidence their relationship continued right up until the end (wonderful). I found her listed as Betsy Keel in some sources, suggesting they may have married once it was legal. I hope that teeny, tiny town in the middle of rural Arkansas welcomed and embraced them.

Back to Miss Keel. I am serious when I say she made a huge impact on me. I can’t say I do anything differently because of her, or learned anything in particular, but I can say she affected me in profound ways, ways I’m sure I did not understand then.

I’m not sure I understand it now, except that the news has hit me surprisingly hard.

She coached our tennis team for all but my freshman year, so that’s probably how I first got to know her. She then asked me to be a PE assistant, and I did that for my junior and senior years. I spent a lot of time in that PE office with all the other PE teachers and coaches. Pretty quickly I became just her assistant. She taught me to swing a golf club (golf was her sport), then sent me out to coach students in the golf class. (Funny.) I can’t remember all the other things I did. But I loved that period.

I remember dreading the end of my time at PVHS because I felt like I’d miss the daily connection with Miss Keel so much. I suppose the end came and I moved on.. went to college and that was that. I must have returned to visit a time or two, but I don’t remember. Quite honestly, I’m not sure how I made the break.

I am not sure what the attachment was for me, but it was strong and it scared me a little. She was 22 years old than me, just four years younger than my mom, so clearly it wasn’t that kind of crush. But it was clearly an infatuation, a near obsession. At 15 (16, 17, 18), it was beyond me. I just liked her and looked forward to my job as PE assistant.

I do know she saw me. She recognized my athleticism and encouraged that part of me. She knew it was defining for me. I’m not sure my mom got that. My parents were generally supportive of all the things I did, but my mom was also sending me plenty of messages about what I should look like, how I should dress, the importance of style. I’m not sure she was really comfortable with my being a jocky jock. A tennis player, sure (they were tennis players), but I’m not sure she got the rest of it. She/they came to some of my track meets, certainly the big ones, but, honestly, I don’t have much of a memory of bleachers full of family. So I guess the attention Miss Keel gave me mattered a lot.

It’s a tender time… high school. If someone pays a lot of attention to you and supports and encourages you, shares your interest, rewards you for the stuff you do well… I imagine that’s big. I imagine it gets a little confusing, as well.

I read the comments on the PVHS FB page from others who also, apparently, liked Miss Keel:

:: I still remember how much I loved her. She was a wonderful person!

:: She mentored me as well. She helped me feel normal in an unreal world.

:: I had her for PE in the early 70’s at PVHS. She very gently told me I wasn’t cut out for the track team. 

:: Coach Keel was my PVHS swim team coach ‘72-‘76. She was a disciplined and dedicated person. Made me work harder and swim faster to CIF Finals.

I loved reading these… corroborated my version of her.

I found these in my yearbooks from junior and senior years.

This is a pic from my senior year:

I know this: learning of her death really stopped me in my tracks. I felt sorry we’d lost touch (well… nearly fifty years has passed!). I looked up the town she moved to, google street-viewed around to see what the town was like, read the obit a number of times. A lot of feelings came up, whatever they are. I hope she had a happy life.

I planted a tree tonight in her honor.

Dianne Feinstein passed away late last night, first news of the day for me. I’m a progressive democrat, but I can also greatly appreciate and never begrudge the need to govern from the center, and DiFi was one of those.. a moderate/centrist dem. The tributes pouring in highlight her work on assault weapons; her “firstness” (woman: mayor of SF, senator from California, chair of a couple powerhouse senate committees); her taking on the CIA’s torture practices. All impressive.

I like this little tiny factoid: she was a supporter of the Nepalese people, through an organization her husband Richard Blum founded, The American Himalayan Foundation. I didn’t know about this before I trekked in Nepal, but imagine my huge surprise and delight when in a tiny, remote teahouse* high in the Himalayas, I saw photos of both Dianne Feinstein and Bill Clinton, photos taken on a shared trip to the Kumbu (a region at the base of Mt. Everest, inaccessible to cars). I’m like, I KNOW THOSE FOLKS! Which… as a Californian/American traveling in such a remote place, surrounded by Nepalese folks who could not possibly have related, they were like my people. Funny.

The AHF sent this out today:

As long as we’re on the subject of DiFi…. here’s a photo a high school friend posted today. Winter is a horse person (among other things!) and was a sorority sister of Dianne’s daughter when they were both at Cal. I really love this picture. She was a junior at Sacred Heart High School in SF and a member of its horse drill team.

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Here is a shot of one of those iconic tomato trucks we in the Central Valley are SO accustomed to, esp at the end of summer as the tomatoes have come ripe and are harvested and hauled off to some tomato processing plant (alas, no longer in Davis). I like this shot b/c you can also see the last days of a corn field.. all spent and brown.

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The above was shot on our way home from Kaiser, where Jim and I got our Covid shots. We’re feeling all smug and bullet-proof. We are good public health citizens. Take that, Rick!

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The government looks to be on the verge of a shut down. I’m so very, very tired of all of this. Just hate politics and this extreme polarization. The far right flank of the congressional repubs most certainly have no interest in service and their role in government. It’s all performative. And they’re all controlled by the crackpot puppet master himself. Pure dysfunction and not a shread of principle.

That, and I’m seriously annoyed because it actually threatens our trip next week… flights (airports and airport security could be choked up); our tours of the White House and Capitol may not happen; they will close national parks (Acadia!)… and who knows what else. They have a week to sort this out. Chop chop!!

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Our boy is flying sky high…. he’s on the idea-pitching end of an impressive grant application (that resulted in an impressive award), he’s deep into stimulating research that he loves, he’s got a girfriend whom he loves even more, he’s living a full life (they attended a vocal concert last night .. Renee Fleming .. and enjoyed it, and paddled boarded last weekend with L&C), Maya’s beyond happy in her new job. How great is all that.. for just this moment’s snapshot?

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And speaking of snapshots.. that’s mine on the day.

It’s National Son’s Day!

Well played, Hallmark. And I mean that! I always appreciate an opportunity to reflect on my love, admiration and total delight in my dear son.

Here’s to you, Peter Keaton Frame! You’ve enriched our lives beyond measure.

This is one of my fave pictures of the three of us.

If it’s Wednesday, it must be pub quiz day. Pub quizzes are back, along with Dr. Andy as MC, and a whole bunch of the regular teams from pre-pandemic DeVere’s days. We’re back, too… we being our old team: Irish for a Miracle! But, as the weekly pub quiz has moved from the Irish pub to a more traditional brewery (Sudwerk), we changed our name to Hard at Werk (werk, get it? Sudwerk?).

I think there have now been six pub quizzes in this new iteration, and Hard at Werk has made three appearances. We finished in 5th place two of those times, just out of the running for prizes! There were about 18-20 teams tonight (a lighter turnout) .. so.. not too bad. Respectable.

So far, our players have included Jim and me, Bill, Paul, Andy and Eileen, and Carrie and Marc. Brian and Darlene have both indicated an interest, but haven’t made any quizzes yet.

Stay tuned… if we rise in the ranks, I’ll report out.

Those aren’t Vincent’s, they’re our Seussian, end of season sunflowers. Of course.

I read a passage in a book today that talked about Van Gogh’s sunflowers, though, and I liked it:

“Van Gogh painted those sunflowers exactly like he saw them, living creatures who existed with him on the verge of sanity: part nightmare, part daydream.”

The book was Oh My Mother!, written by Connie Wang. Yes, about a mother-daughter relationship. One of the rare times I actually finished one of my book group books!

Somewhere in the annals of Yolo County history, a certain land surveyor will have left his mark. There is more than a little pride in the fact that land boundary maps the county over (and not just Yolo) bear Jim’s seal. I don’t know Jim’s full body of survey work, but know it’s significant and lasting. Pretty cool!

We were driving back from the Sac Airport this morning* and Jim pointed out a line of orange-painted survey stakes on a piece of county property north/east of I-5. He surveyed it last week and the stakes were still there.

Look carefully…

Jim often remarks on one of the many benefits of his work….. tromping around in fields, or up and down mountains, on beautiful days, all by himself. He loves it.

Did a bit of googling about other famous surveyors … and found this. Jim’s in good company!

1. George Washington

One of America’s most famous (and earliest) land surveyors is George Washington himself. The young future president got his bright start at the age of 17 in 1749. It was not long until he was appointed to be the Surveyor General for Virginia. Washington actually played an essential role at this time, because surveying the land promoted expansion westward.

2. Daniel Boone

As an American pioneer and explorer from Kentucky, Daniel Boone resolved settler’s claims to land. The legend was known to have spent much of his time traveling around the American frontier. In spite of the fact that he had no formal schooling, Boone went on to become an expert tracker by the time he was a teenager. In the years following, he took to surveying.

3. Thomas Jefferson

George Washington wasn’t the only president to work as a surveyor. Thomas Jefferson was appointed to work as the Albermarle County surveyor in Virginia in 1773. He also promoted surveying by sending Lewis & Clark on their expedition to explore the land gained through the Louisiana Purchase.

4. Henry David Thoreau

Though most might know of Thoreau as an author, he actually became a surveyor in the 1850s before he published his books. Being a surveyor allowed Thoreau to use his career to facilitate his hobby. Thoreau used his observations to journal his ideas.

5. Benjamin Banneker

As a self-taught African-American mathematician and surveyor, Benjamin Banneker was remarkably successful. In 1789, Washington even appointed Banneker to be part of the team surveying the future site of Washington, D.C. The project took about two years.

6. Abraham Lincoln

The nation’s 16th president got his start as a self-educated man in Kentucky. He worked as a storekeeper and postmaster in addition to surveying land and studying law at the same time. It is clear that Lincoln was a man with a great deal of talent and many skills, seeing how much time he spent participating in different types of work before he became president.

7 & 8. William Clark & Meriwether Lewis

Lewis and Clark were tasked with some of the most intensive land surveying in American history. While Lewis had a reputation as more of a planner, Clark was an expert surveyor and mapmaker. Together, the partners traveled across the land then known as the Louisiana Purchase, making their way to Oregon to scout it out.

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(*) we finally signed up for TSA-pre. Yay us.

I have a lot of favorite trees in Davis, but that Zelkova on the north banks of Lake Spafford in the UCD Arboretum was probably at the top of the list. I always pointed it out to visitors, and I’ve taken dozens (and dozens, maybe more) photos of it at various times of the year.

Here’s what it looked like last fall…

It apparently had cracked under its own weight, literally. Arborists noticed the branches hanging down lower than usual and, upon inspection, discovered a crack. They removed 50% of its canopy, hoping that would ease the tension and allow the crack to heal, but it did not. They determined that it needed to come down.

Jim and I took a walk over there after brunch this morning to check it out…

Super sad to see it gone. Here’s another after and before…

I didn’t know Cap Thomson well — hardly at all — but, like most, knew of him. I do know, and have long admired, his wife Helen. I went to the Celebration of Life for Cap today because I knew it’d be a wonderful Davis community event — a coming together of a lot of Davis folks to honor a truly remarkable man. I wanted to be inspired by what is good about life in this community. I thought it would be the best kind of feel-good gathering. And it was.

Truly, the best of Davis.

I do, actually, have a story about Cap.

A few months ago (February), I was canvassing the neighborhood on behalf of Donna Nevelle, who was running in a special election for a vacated spot on the City Council (she went on to win that seat). I was in College Park, dropping flyers at every house, inviting neighbors to attend a Meet and Greet that Jim and I were hosting for Donna. I ran into Cap walking his Cairn terrier, something he did twice a day, at least. He was in front of his house, either coming or going. I said hello and he wondered what I was up to. I handed him a flyer and invited him to our house later that week.

What I remember was his kindness and enthusiasm. He eagerly motioned me to his front door and invited me in so he could tell Helen all about it. What impressed me was his immediate and complete attention to what I had to say and the way he engaged me fully. In that moment, he made me feel like I had the most important information in the world. Not patronizing in the least, just respectful and kind. When we walked through the door, he called for Helen. She came over, smiled, we talked briefly. Cap suggested to Helen that this would be a good thing to attend. She smiled again. Thanked me. Cap added his thanks warmly, said how nice it was to see me. He hoped they could both be there, even as Helen thought there might be a conflict. I left.

I remember walking away feeling like I had been so welcome, that I had useful information, that we shared common values. I felt absolutely like these guys were the best kind of neighbors. Not to make a huge deal out a small transaction, but quite honestly, it was a standout encounter.

It is exactly what every speaker said at the Celebration of Life. Cap was warm, gracious, kind, and humble. I learned a lot about his enormously significant contributions to the mental health field (he was an MD specializing in psychiatry) and everything he did for people with mental illness — on the most intimate and personal of levels, as well as his legislative accomplishments. A titan in the field and hugely respected. I also learned about his enduring love of Celtic music (of course the Putah Creek Crawdads), his athletic prowess (multiple marathons, major treks/hikes, Masters swimmer), love of the Sierra (a lifetime of backpacking trips), love of Scottish culture, love of family (I knew his oldest son Iain when he was a junior high school kid on one of the youth councils I supervised in the early 80s), a penchant for bad jokes and story telling, and that he was a lip-kisser.

Back to that mid-February neighborhood Meet and Greet… Helen did attend (it was so nice to see her), though Cap did not. I learned that at that time, he was in the throes of cancer (I believe) and would soon start hospice. He passed away at the end of July.

We started a new era today: the Matthew lives in Davis and is working on his PhD in materials science era! Which means, we hope, that we will see a lot of him in the next 4-5 years, which may also mean we’ll see more of John and Maita, maybe Monica and Dror, maybe a lot more Frames coming and going.

Jim and I want to do for Matthew what Claire and Lisa have done for Peter: provide a local resource, local family, surrogate parents, home away from home, port in the storm. Expressed mathematically, using the law of proportions:

We think of Matthew as our nephew, but in reality he’s our first cousin once removed (son of Jim’s first cousin). Whatever he is, it’s family and we’re here for it.

Here’s dinner tonight:

Today was Jim’s and my 27th year wedding anniversary. Yay us!

One of us remembered (bummer, it wasn’t me). I am truly wondering what is wrong with me that I forgot the day .. I *think* for the second year in a row. It WILL be the last time that happens. It’s more embarrassing than concerning. I mean, obvs! I love Jim dearly, value deeply the life we’ve built together and acknowledge that regularly. No hidden issues there. But damn! I gotta stop forgetting our anniversary.

Jim made a thing… a memento honoring the year… as is his tradition. I love these things so much. This one is made from the buttons salvaged from a falling-apart and holey shirt (the first clothing item Jim gave me decades ago). Jim dug it out of the trash (I’m in purge mode these days). I wore that shirt so much it literally wore out.

He’s a clever (and sentimental) one. Add that to the long list of why I love him. Note the Neccos — part of each and every one of Jim’s gift giving to me (except when they went out of production for a few years.. but they are back! I mean, who discontinues a candy that’s been around since 1847!).

We ate dinner tonight at Preserve (that’s become a bit of a tradition, too).

The drive to Winters…

This was the appetizer… elote — street corn with feta, jalepenos and cilantro. Very messy, hard to eat, a bit pricey for how much there is to eat.. but good. Jim had the sole, I had risotto w/ scallops.

We came home for dessert. I made a pecan pie this morning.. sort of a way to make up for my forgetting… it was made with love, for sure.