Life of Wry

This is the messy desk of a person mildly overwhelmed, a lot excited, and more than a little conflicted.  Notes on travel itineraries, immunization requirements, flight schedules, packing lists…

A friend from the way, way back invited me (17 days ago) to join her, and her sister and another really cool gal, on a trek to Nepal.    The email conversation went something like this:

Karen: Did I tell you that I’m going to Nepal in April?!

Me: How, who, what, how long? Eager to hear!

Karen: [Provides answers to all of the above.]  Join us?

Me: [Stunned, thinks about appropriate response.] I’m going to play like that’s a real inquiry…just for a sec.  [Then asks a slew of logistical questions.]  Seriously, if it’s a toss out comment, I totally understand.  It’s not all that likely.. short notice, family obligations, but it’s not completely impossible.  And, you know, carpe diem, and all.

Karen: [Answers each and every question and uses lots of exclamation points.]  CARPE DIEM FOR SURE!!

A few more emails were exchanged and a tortured decision making process ensued.   After about a week, I responded that, no, I’d decided I would not go.  This was followed by a few more emails, hers very understanding, mine grateful for having had the opportunity to fantasize.

Another week went by.  More conversations were had (thank you Jim and you various friends, your patience is above and beyond).  More information came out about things I might or might not miss while away.

The choice to not go seemed thoughtful enough, but the reasons for it started to feel overwrought.  I felt totally guilty (of course) and projected all kinds of feelings onto others based on that guilt.  I had basically gunked the whole thing up until it had become a no win situation, instead of exactly the opposite.

Classic Peterson decision making.

Long story short, I went back to a place where both choices are fine, and decided the reasons for going were a whole lot more compelling (and exciting and wild and fabulous) than the reasons for not going.  Of course it’s a whole lot more complicated and not perfect, but, what the hell, no decisions are, right?  Just making the choice and feelin’ the love, baby!

Carpe diem for sure.